Happy birthday to me

Today is my birthday. I am 37 years old. Some days I feel every minute of my age – on parent-teacher nights, for example, or mortgage renewal dates. Other days I wonder how the heck I got here. I look at my three kids, my stack of bills and the fine lines around my eyes and can’t quite reconcile that middle-aged tableau with the 22-year-old spirit that lives inside of me.

I blame Oprah Winfrey for this disconnect. Oprah made me believe that getting older meant getting better. She convinced me that with every passing year I would feel increasingly comfortable in my own skin and that I’d acquire an inner sense of peace and wisdom (one that I used to imagine would be narrated by the voice of Maya Angelou).

In my case, though, Oprah was wrong. My insecurities have changed, but they’re still here. I used to worry about having a bad hair day. Now that I’m sitting on this side of 35, I fret more about bad face days. Instead of worrying about school and boys, I worry about career and kids. Not to mention those pesky fine lines.

It’s not all doom and gloom though. Today, as I was pushing my almost 9-month-old in his stroller in this unseasonably warm, sunshiny weather, the Bugaboo wheels crunching the multi-coloured leaves beneath us, I was struck by an overwhelming, Oprah-esque moment of gratitude. I realized that despite the stress and insecurities, I really have never had it better than right now.

So, on that note, what better time to record just a few of the things I am grateful for.

I am grateful for my kids. I love every single thing about each one of them. Seriously… to me, they are perfect. I am grateful for the health and happiness of my family. I am grateful for my husband, who bears the brunt of my stress and insecurities and sticks around anyway. I am grateful for my mom and her unconditional and endless supply of love – for me and for her grandchildren. I am grateful for the friendship and mentorship of my dad. I am grateful for every member of my family – immediate and extended, near and far. I feel a connection to each one of them. I am grateful for my girlfriends. They keep me sane and keep me laughing.

I am grateful for every day of my 37 years, even the bad ones, because they have brought me to this place.

Wow, maybe Oprah was right after all.